we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
