You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
