This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
