I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
