im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
