My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
