How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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