bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
