yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
