so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
