This girl is more easily done than said...
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
