Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
