U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
