WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
