Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
