The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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