my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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