Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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