Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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