11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
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