I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I could fuck to npr.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
