You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
