she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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