i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I just gargled with NyQuil
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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