They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
