I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
