margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
