Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
