By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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