apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
