but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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