dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
