He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
