If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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