So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
