dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
