anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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