To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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