Welp...herpes.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
