hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
