i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
