Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Randomize
