u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
