Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
