Midget sex pt 2 tonight
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
