The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
you made out with another girl for some wings
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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