Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
