I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
