What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
