I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
