I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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